Friday, October 29, 2021 - 5:15pm

November 2021 Newsletter

Message from our President/CEO

Conflict is a natural part of life, and yet most of us don't have the tools we need to handle conflict constructively.

After practicing communication and conflict resolution skills for over a decade, I can admit: I still don't like being in conflict. Who does? Conflict makes us stressed, anxious, angry, and exhausted. It brings out the worst in us, and can lead us to (often unintentionally) hurt others around us. Sometimes it feels like there is no way out of this vicious cycle: I hurt you, you hurt me, and so on and so forth.

Experts call this a "negative conflict spiral." As we engage in negative conflict interactions, we feel weaker and become more self-absorbed, and we end up lashing out and disconnecting further and further. On and on we devolve, as our interactions become more negative, destructive, alienating, and demonizing.

And yet, we know that there are effective tools and strategies that can help us manage conflict in constructive ways, reduce our stress, and lead to outcomes that work for everyone involved. Even more importantly, these tools can help us transform conflict into opportunities for meaningful change, both in our interpersonal relationships, as well as within institutions, systems, communities, and even at the national and global level.

Constructive conflict skills involve strategies that help us communicate from a place of strength and connection. When we feel empowered, it's easier to speak our truth and get our message across effectively, without resorting to blame or attack. At the same time, starting from a place of strength makes us more curious about others' experiences, and helps us recognize and accept their humanity. Increasing our empowerment and connection to others can lead to an equally powerful "positive conflict spiral": our interactions improve, becoming more positive, constructive, connecting, and humanizing.

In the online forum "Moving Beyond Intractability," Guy and Heidi Burgess state that "our inability to constructively handle intractable conflict is the most serious, and the most neglected, problem facing humanity."

How will each of us rise up to this challenge of our times? Will you join me in committing to improving your constructive conflict skills, knowing that it is a lifelong practice? Can you think of a conflict in your life right now where you can start?

In peace,

Shira May, Ph.D.

President & CEO

Basic Mediation Training

November 16, 17, 18, 29, 30

8:30am - 5:00pm

Notre Dame Retreat House

Canandaigua, NY

This 35 hour training will provide an introduction to the theory, principles and practice of mediation in the Transformative Mediation framework to prepare participants to mediate community disputes as a volunteer with the Center for Dispute Settlement.

Participants will have the opportunity to:

· Explore their values, biases, and experiences with conflict.

· Understand the core values of mediation and standards of practice for community dispute resolution centers, like the Center for Dispute Settlement, and the Unified Court System.

· Understand and practice the core activities of a mediator practicing with a transformative mediation orientation.

· Develop the ability to engage in a reflective practice of mediator self-assessment and continued learning.

Contact your local county office for more information: https://www.cdsadr.org/?q=contact

Join us at the 2021 New York State Dispute Resolution Association (NYSDRA)

Annual Conference!

This year NYSDRA is celebrating the 40th Anniversary of the New York State

Community Dispute Resolution Centers (CDRCs).

The conference is open to the public and will be fully virtual.

Register here:

https://whova.com/web/nysdr_202110/

Spotlight On

Custody and Visitation Mediation

Josh and Daria* came to mediation because their 10-year-old daughter Kendra had been getting into trouble at school. Kendra had been struggling with anxiety since her parents' divorce two years ago. When her father's girlfriend recently moved in, Kendra began having more angry outbursts.

During their mediation session, Josh and Daria both realized that Kendra needed more support to make sure her needs were being met. Josh was honest in admitting that he couldn't give Kendra the attention she needed due to his work schedule.

Josh and Daria expressed their mutual interest in creating a new custody agreement that would give Kendra the support she needed. This meant having Kendra spend more time at her mom's house, since Daria could spend time with Kendra and supervise her activities after school. Although it was hard for Josh to imagine spending less time with Kendra, ultimately he saw that the change was in his daughter's best interest.

Josh and Daria came up with a new custody agreement that spelled out the details of Kendra's new schedule. The agreement also made it clear that both parents would communicate about major decisions and would continue to be equal participants in Kendra's life.

Custody and visitation mediation is a safe, voluntary, confidential space where parents or caregivers who are raising children together can talk about any issues they would like to address. In mediation, parties can speak about things that are important to them, get a better understanding of the other party's perspective, discuss various options, and often come up with solutions that are unique to their own situation. Using a mediation process can save many families anxiety, time, and money, and can set the stage for improved communication in the future.

For more information about Custody and Visitation Mediation, or any of our alternative dispute resolution services, contact your local county office: https://www.cdsadr.org/?q=contact

* This case study was submitted by an anonymous mediator. All names and identifying information have been changed.

Highlights from our Staff Retreat

The Center held our annual staff retreat on October 26th at the Notre Dame Retreat House in Canandaigua. The agenda included:

Guest speaker Mohammed (Mo) Ahamed from EDI presented on why Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging (DEIB) is an essential component for organizational success in our changing world
Steve Kane spoke about 401K investments in today's economy
Jeff Nagel provided updates about health and dental options from Excellus
Staff reflected on our Strategic Planning process and our priorities for 2021-2024

"A tree falls the way it leans. Be careful the way you lean." - African proverb

Agency Updates

Lynda Bell has retired from the Center and will continue serving in the role of a contractor for our restorative initiatives. We thank Lynda for all she has contributed to this agency, for our staff, volunteers and the community at large!
We are hiring for three positions in our Monroe County office:
Director of Training and Community Engagement (full-time)
Case Manager (full-time)
Case Manager (part-time)

For more information, visit: https://www.cdsadr.org/?q=center-looks-hire-two-positions-oct-2021