Resolving Disputes in the time of Social Distancing

The Center for Dispute Settlement continues to provide our communities with mediation and restorative justice services despite the inability to work with clients in person during the time of social distancing.  Here are a couple of examples of our remote services.

Ontario County Program Manager, Ingrid Welch recently conducted remote mediation sessions to assist clients with resolving Custody & Visitation issues that became problematic due to social distancing.  Here’s a testimonial from Mary that she received, (the names have been changed):

I wanted to thank you for all your assistance last week.  We did finally come to an agreement with Amy, and we able to pick up our daughter and resume our routine visitation schedule.  I believe that this would not have happened so smoothly without your interventions.  We appreciate that you are able to provide such a vital service for families! We had an excellent weekend and hope you and yours did as well!
Many Thanks

Training and Restorative Interventions Director, Lynda Bell provided conflict coaching sessions as part of our Family support services in conjunction with our youth and family services collaboration with the Family Access and Connection Team (FACT). 

The Smith family (not their real surname) was referred to CDS because the 16-year-old son was not going to school and acting out at home. In her first conflict coaching session, Mrs. Smith presented several issues. There was the stress of ongoing legal issues with her ex-husband and children’s father. She suspected the son was taking drugs and she could not get him, or his twin sister to attend school; both were at risk of being referred for PINS. Both children were being disrespectful to the mother and to one another. Most importantly, the son’s aggressive behavior was causing worry and tension in the home for everyone. 

Because of her hectic life and eventually COVID-19 restrictions regarding physical distancing, all subsequent conflict coaching sessions were conducted remotely. Over the course of several coaching sessions, she came to understand how to listen for the feelings and emotions driving her son’s actions and behaviors. This allowed her to ask questions and make suggestions that changed her interactions with her son and as a result the son’s behaviors started to change, however his twin sister started acting our even more. Ongoing coaching helped Mrs. Smith recognize that many of her daughter’s actions and behaviors were symptomatic of the loss and grief that had impacted the entire family.  And because of her unconditional love for her children, Mrs. Smith was able to overcome hurt feelings the daughter had caused and give her what she needed – a mother’s time and attention. Here is the feedback Ms. Smith provided:

I really like that my coach is so accessible and always available to me. Whenever I call to talk, she has time to listen. I can see how conflict coaching is helping me and my family. On our last conversation, my daughter had cursed and spit at me.  I called my coach and she listened to me then had me think about the things my daughter is going through. I realized all the loss my daughter has had in her life and how as my coach explained it she is grieving. Knowing now about all the stages of grief I see now that my daughter needs more of my time and attention. Before I called my coach I was going to go back home and ignore my daughter, but after our conversation I went home and asked her if she wanted to go on a ride to get out of the house. When we got back she later called me up to her room and asked if I would watch a movie with her. I was busy doing something else, but decided to stop that and go be with my daughter. I ended that day feeling so much better. I am just grateful to be able to talk about the things that make me upset and angry with my kids because once I get it out I feel like I can handle it. Many times I have talked to my coach about my son and when she shares the same struggles she has gone through with her son, I don’t feel so alone, like this is only happening to me.